vampires

                                                                     

 

For 200 years, between 1600 and 1800, in the backs of the minds of many of those hailing from Europe and Russia, was vampires. A superstition? Possibly, and if so it's one that can be traced back to 1047 when the word vampire, or the Russian equivalent 'upir',  was first used in print. Or maybe the superstitions didn't start until the mid 1400's with Vlad the Impaler. Regardless, during this time there were indeed tall tales, poems, and even people being imprisoned for vampiric crimes. In 1897, without a doubt the most famous vampire did appear in print "Bram Stokers Dracula", based on the aforementioned Vlad, which is still in print today. Thousands of books and hundreds of movies later it is fairly safe to say that there is not a single person on the planet that hasn't heard of the vampire (in some form).

Lets get to the facts, shall we...

Q: Was there a Vampire by the name of Dracula?

A: Well, yes and no. Dracula, or Dracul (which means dragon or devil depending on where you're from) was indeed the closest thing we have to a prince of darkness, but sorry, no fangs. Blood sucking maybe (I'm speculating here), but no fangs.  Dracula was given the birth name of Vlad. At 17 he was given an army by the Turks and by the time he was 25 had his own throne. He would pride himself on how he killed people. He'd invite hundreds of people to banquets, old, sick, poor, or even nobles, and kill them all in various ways. Most noted and gruesome being his trademark of impalement, leaving them speared high on a stick to die a slow death over sometimes several days. When eventually he died on the battle field, through either an assassination by one of his own noblemen or an accident by one of his own men, the sultan stuck 'ol Dracula's head on pike, to prove he was dead, and buried the body. Several hundred years later his burial spot was excavated but the coffin was never found. The problem is we're not sure if he was buried in a coffin. Only the very rich could afford coffins in those days. Though I'm sure he had plenty of money while he was living, once he was dead they probably just threw him in a hole.


Q: What about Dracula's tuxedo and cape?

A: Not sure the significance of the tux but according to one web site I found "...members of the Order of the Dragon (a secret fraternal order of knights of which Dracula's father was a member of) had a special costume to wear on Sundays. It was a red garment with a black cape over it . . . that's why the fictional Dracula wears a cape!"


Q: So what was the real reason people thought vampires actually existed?

A: Here's some information a friend of mine dug up (pun intended :)...

When a suspected vampire was disinterred it was found:
a. corpse intact with little decay
b. limbs limber, no rigor mortis
c. complexion of corpse ruddy and fresh
d. nails and hair appear to have continued to grow
e. liquid blood around the corpse's mouth or pooled in bottom of the casket
f. slender people have plumped up after death
g. corpse changes position from that in which it was buried.
h. when the corpse is staked it groans loudly accompanied by spurting of blood.

As gruesome as all this sounds, all of the points listed above are common
characteristics of the body in various states of decay.


Q: What about crucifix's and vampires 

A: The idea can be traced back to as far as the 16th century when Christians thought vampires to be a sign of Satanism. However, the crucifix was not used against vampires until the 19th century, for it was then that it was detailed in the writings of Bram Stoker's Dracula. 


Q: What about garlic and vampires?

A: Well, uh, they hate the stuff. In fact it was used in some places to detect vampires. If you didn't like garlic you must be a vampire. However, although it was legend before then, this was also first introduced in literary form in Bram Stoker's Dracula.


Q: Sunlight, surly vampires hate sunlight?

A: Only in Hollywood it would seem. In fact, did you know that medieval vampires walked around in the daylight just like everyone else? Even in Bram Stoker's Dracula a vampire could be out in the daylight, they just weren't quite as strong. Over the past few hundred years however vampires have slowly become allergic (deadly allergic) to sunlight.


 

Pros and Cons of Dating a Vampire

pro

  • Long relationships
  • Alowed to stay out late
  • Easy weight loss
  • Centuries of experience
  • Immune to all veneral diseases
  • Always has amazing stamina
  • Loves neck nibbling
  • Rarely interested in arguing religion
  • Never comes home with garlic breath
  • Don't have to worry what color of cloths to wear

con

  • Spend your time in a hypnotic daze
  • Parents can be hell
  • You always feel tired(loss of blood)
  • Oral sex can be lethal
  • Always has cold feet(and blood)
  • Never able to spend the day in bed
  • Pet names that give you chills
  • Strange friends
  • Giggles at funerals
  • Hard to win an argument
  • No romantic sunsets
  • May forget own strength during orgasm

Find more vampire humor at
Vampire: The Masquerade fan site

 

 


 

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Comparative List of Vampire Mythology
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Night of the Dragon's Blood- A Screenplay
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Residua - A Vampire's Reflection
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VampFangs.com (custom fangs, prosthetics and make-up)
The Vampire A-Z
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Vampire's Lair of Shadows
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The Vampyre Connexion
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